Of course jail isn’t a deterrent. Neither is being scolded and shunned by supposed loved ones (like friends and family) with their endless shoulds and shouldn’ts, and their never-ending “I told you so’s.”

I can understand that many folks just can’t handle individuals with mental health issues, which in my case is bipolar of the more manic kind. Everyone seems to feel I am too intelligent to have been so uncautious about so many things in my life. They have even convinced me of what a travesty I must be. So smart, yet such a failure in all those wacky ideas that only lucky people suceed in… such as the arts (especially). I obviously lack motivation in the “real world” and cannot operate with eveness among professionals in any “serious” career.

Well, no kidding. To me, that explains exactly my mental health diagnosis. But for all my life, ought I condemn myself to criticizing my inability to conform to what people define as normal, instead? Wow. That’s a self-imposed life sentence to remain frustrated.

I stopped wishing to turn back time for all my “miserable” experiences. I now embrace them. Yet I still feel sad for those people who never quite understood me. I have had limited financial and social successes, only for these to succumb eventually to yet another irrational decision. No medication can completely stop crazy choices. The best it can do is slow me down to an inhuman pace. That pace is normal?? Being in a fog and practically sleep-walking? No thanks. After fifteen years of that (and still not enough “balance” to consider it to have been a great therapy) I gave up on meds.

I do not feel harmful to others. Luckily, with my understanding of myself and the fact that the world around me reacts to situations and other people life in order to compliment their own actions, I don’t have to answer back with hostility or suicidal thoughts. I can’t take anything anyone says personally, unless I did something unlawful, which I don’t do (besides the occasional beating a red light or going over the speed limit a little).

I think I have learned to convince myself of my own strengths and follow them without second-guessing. Life is not fair, and I accept that my endeavors aren’t always going to be seen as genius. In fact, my personality probably gets in the way a lot.

What seems curious is how people can idolize strange individuals when they are commercialized, yet their reactions are different when it’s someone at your job or school, or in your family or living on your block.

Thanks for the article. I’m sure I went way off topic, but I appreciate your allowing this to post.

Best wishes,
Ron